shit shit shit - i've built up a tolerance to all the things i bounce between throughout the day that bring me instant gratification. isn't that the shits, god damn it, fuck! now i don't have any other ideas, or even belief that there's something else i'm going to discover i don't know about already that could satisfy me! that said all the shit i know i need to ease the passing of time is leaving me BO(RED). This is a mess i never thought i'd be in. i want to break something. i want to smash a bunch of shit in a lot of tiny little pieces and wait for someone else to find it and watch them clean it up and then go fuck something else up for them to find later. (roll onto my other side, arch my back, curl my hind legs in and stretch my front legs out. stretch and strain) no damage i can do could possible make someone join me in the misery i feel myself gradually sinking into.

just wash this blanket. maybe it's the smells triggering something. i'm not trying to play the victim.