so they can hear me when i come

we were kids and i wanted the damn bell off of my neck. I was just a kid and I wanted the bell the fuck off of my neck. If I'm going to grow I need a quiet place and some solitude, not to be another fool's circus act. I've eaten food for three days without my stomach telling me to do so once. Actually, when was I ever hungry? Survival instincts belong to other beasts and I'm just barely scraping by. I'm going to be an old scraper cat with a bell around my neck and a party hat. And on that note I'll swallow some fur to gag up later. Hopefully someone sees it, feels a little grossed out and we can chalk that up as a connection. I'm so lost, lonely, and in need of a little love.

what can you buy with a picture?

I'd disappear if it were to be beautiful with you.

burning bright on a dull sunday

I don't want to party, I want to celebrate. Partying is for those who wish they had done things differently.

ambient love transductionAMBIENT LOVE TRANSDUCTIONambient love transductionambient love transductionambient love transductionAMBIENT LOVE TRANSDUCTIONAMBIENT LOVE TRANSDUCTIONAMBIENT LOVE TRANSDUCTIONambient love transductionambient love transductionambient love transductionambient love transductionAMBIENT LOVE TRANSDUCTION

tHe MOrE UgLy yoU seE mE tHe MoRe i Am ThiS

And I can fly

my dreams are seashells on the tanks of grandmas toilets.

the high makes sense. who hung that there?

yeah, yeah - and they said i'd be better off a yapper in some cunt's shoulder bag?

it's not perverted: but him who fucks the other harder for saying that it is.

LOL Cats: A Mockery

If there is a god, there's a loophole in his good grace that this day just slid right through.
...And I was feeling good this morning.

Worms

What I appreciate about illness, is it tears away all our false ideas of who we are physically, and through it we're freed of any insecurities.

i only use god to bless others, for everything else i call on the winds of chance.

the theme lately seems to be "what has passed"

last night i went somewhere, a place i really got my groove on at 6yrs ago. i don't think I would have said that then (perhaps nor would any eye witnesses). i've been there plenty of times since, but i just kept thinking about that time 6 years ago. another time 4 years ago. back one more, 5 years ago. last year was fucked. puke with a twist. a piece of nuck lodged in your nose and you turn away so no one sees.

those were glory days, but last night i spent in someone else's noise, a sweaty glass. my ice has melt.

stroll

"my blood rises to meet the sun against my skin
lemonade drizzle
a beetle ricocheted off my temple
relax the controlling muscles of my face"

this clump of words came back to me today while walking down the sidewalk. it was nice out.

they remind me of the desperate need to cling to all that is meant to come and go, but before i'm reminded of that, i just feel great, and think - happiness is constant, and we move with it.

i want a bf i can beatbox with

i wasn't supposed to do what i did


she wasn't supposed to do what she did




why did i do what i did?

and he says "i think it would look hot shaved"

shit shit shit - i've built up a tolerance to all the things i bounce between throughout the day that bring me instant gratification. isn't that the shits, god damn it, fuck! now i don't have any other ideas, or even belief that there's something else i'm going to discover i don't know about already that could satisfy me! that said all the shit i know i need to ease the passing of time is leaving me BO(RED). This is a mess i never thought i'd be in. i want to break something. i want to smash a bunch of shit in a lot of tiny little pieces and wait for someone else to find it and watch them clean it up and then go fuck something else up for them to find later. (roll onto my other side, arch my back, curl my hind legs in and stretch my front legs out. stretch and strain) no damage i can do could possible make someone join me in the misery i feel myself gradually sinking into.

just wash this blanket. maybe it's the smells triggering something. i'm not trying to play the victim.

it's over and over

The real face she makes can’t be practiced or learned, it’s dirty and she has no control over it. once it's out, so is mine, and we become what we can be nowhere else in the world. Just because the way she fucks me.

the lazy fool i am

Just spinning my wheels and my place is a mess. I feel good that i’m ok with it, but really I’m scared of five more years on my face and who’ll i’ll be answering to then.

powerful things like magic wands sprouting from bellies and S.S.I. (that was to lighten things up)

gonna go lay in bed and think it’s going to take forever to fall asleep, then it’s tomorrow and i can’t remember now, until later in the day and can’t rememeber what reason i wanted to remember it for. Oh, because i wanted to explain clearly the lazy fool i am.