nurturrrr

I get so emotional about the past because where we are at the present. There's nothing I can do. I just want to love who we were then and know we're all doing ok now.

This cat's gotta take a nap.

a hand

can someone just tell me what the weather's like outside? just curious. it's weird it's light now, but i slept for a while and went to bed when it was light, so I can't think what day it might be. ugh... oh wait, no it's not light, i just looked out the window. well shit i'm just going to go back to sleep for a while. i'm around if anyone needs anything.

groundhog's days

"DAYS, pale slices between nights, they blend, not exactly alike, transparencies so lightly tinted that only stacked all together do they darken to a fatal shade."

it's solid

this self-doubt today like being on the bottom of a dogpile and not bothering to tell anyone i can't breathe

Keep those pictures away from me. It's like life gets more and more corrupt with each roll of film. Those pictures represent ways we can never replicate. We've lost the innocence to. And all those other cats beside me there have either lost their lives or I don't know where they've gone, but that group photo has me feeling so tragic I'll just assume the worst. I don't want to eat. I've never learned to swim. The sun is all I know that warms me. If all that is true is people and love then in retrospect I don't know if I've ever felt either. And I've been held so many times...

paula cole

this is my feeling right now:

my dreams are becoming a reality - in that they're seeming totally unrealistic.

how we use each other

I sit and I say nothing. I sleep but I'm listening. They don't see this, but I've become a database for inspiration, the only inspiration they need to be independent. Which comes as a surprise considering the whole concept of me is to depend on them the way they think they depend on each other: but that's not real. Without leaving this living room I know the entire universe. I have a sense of it so full it could swallow my domesticity. I am just a prop in this show that's my home, but as much as I am, I still am an integral vessel of the natural world. Thank god. God is me, you, them, and the space in between... that's how we use each other.

Just been chilling

We've had guests here for the the past three nights. They rape my couch into a sofabed just before midnight each night. I don't know where to go. Sometimes outside feels good, but there's no safety there. I haven't slept with anyone going on weeks now. The desire's just not there. I throw up after every meal. I cry for no reason. When will time change? Is this real life?